I know I haven’t written in a while. It’s been hanging over my head: I’ve become a life event blogger. I truly “hate” that I do that (I put hate in quotes because it is such a strong word and I probably don’t actually hate it, but I do greatly dislike). I wish I had the conviction to write on a daily basis but honestly I’m not sure I could come up with anything worth reading that frequently.
Even worse? I am not just a life event blogger, I am a god-damned relationship blogger. And maybe that is just because of my recent experiences, but I wish what was going on in the background was deeper than that. Why do I have such a great longing to be loved?
So, regrettably (or not so, since I am going to write about it anyhow), that is what this post is about: my relationships. Not just romantic relationships though; friendships count too!
I need to clear the air. We’ve been seeing each other for four weeks now (3 if you remove the last week that we’ve recently spent apart). The first three weeks were glorious. A dream, really. I have had no desire to see anyone else and have no intention to do so. I am utterly smitten with you, but I have a problem.
… that I wrote a new post. I am really disappointed to find out it was only a dream. All I remember was the post was magnificent. Now I have to come up with something new and [more than likely] less magnificent. Maybe later. My brain hasn’t awoken yet this morning.
Oh but look! I now have a signature 🙂
Today I was thinking about the name of my blog. Though it made perfect sense to name it that as explained in my Inspiration post, I realized today that it has a couple meanings.
- THE little sh*t… It’s my name! Don’t wear it out. 😉
- the little sh*t… in LIFE! Sometimes it’s the little things that make all the difference, and sometimes it’s the little things you’ve got to learn to let roll off your back. Little things can make a big impact on our lives, for good or bad. It’s learning the subtle differences between the two that can change your world.
This blog has not become something amazing. It is a place for me to spill my brains, vomit some words, and generally straighten out my thoughts through my top-spinning life. To me, this blog is one of the little sh*ts of my life. It’s a pleasure for me to share it with those who bother to stop by. Now, on to my day with (no doubt) more
little sh*t coming my way. ❤
“I would rather be alone with dignity than in a relationship that requires me to sacrifice my self respect. Sometimes we have to be willing to let go of the relationships that do us much more harm than good. Too many times we work so hard in life to only be discouraged and told by others that we should be grateful for even having them in our own lives. I would much rather be alone than deal with someone who makes me not want to feel loved.
What we feel isn’t based on what we actually go through, it is based on what we represent in our heads when we think about what we are going through. Our interpretation to each situation means everything. At the end of the day, if we keep receiving negative signals from the people that we are in a relationship with, we shouldn’t just avoid these feelings, we have to know that a change is needed. Deal with the change that is needed. Don’t pretend that your relationship is working out when it isn’t, if it isn’t going great, don’t sacrifice your dignity.” -J. Johnson
Someone posted this today. It was like the universe trying to tell me something. For the past several weeks I have thought about breaking up with my boyfriend. When I got up yesterday I knew that would be the day. It killed me, but it had to be done. When I read this I had an overwhelming feeling that my Guardian Angel was watching over me. Guiding me to make the right decision. Thank you, whoever you are.
Today I hurt. I didn’t want to hurt him. I couldn’t give him a good reason. I didn’t have one good reason, it just wasn’t working. I know I will feel better about it in time, but right now my heart aches.