The Turning Point

A lot has changed for me in such a short amount of time.  It’s crazy how volatile feelings (most notably lust) can be.

The mystery is what drives the attraction.  I usually tell myself I can learn to love this or that.  And even when I feel a little excited about it, I usually cannot voice a true feeling of attraction well to those around me.  It comes off as convenience dating to them; that I’m clearly not as into that person as I had convinced myself that I was.  And maybe it’s true?  Maybe I just tell myself, Gee, love would be nice, but I don’t want to love this person.  That’s okay though because I might not get it elsewhere.  Well, I’m smart enough to know that is just hog-wash.  And quite frankly, I don’t NEED anyone (that’s the feminist in me coming out to play).  No one NEEDS anyone, but it would be damn nice to have a compatible partner.  But why is that so hard to find?

But I digress. My point is not that I wish to love someone.  I merely mean to bring up the subject of what I would like to call the turning point.  That early point in any relationship, serious or not, in which your brain makes a decision that it is either (1) giving this thing a shot or (2) getting the hell out of dodge! Continue reading

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I Had A Dream…

… that I wrote a new post.  I am really disappointed to find out it was only a dream.  All I remember was the post was magnificent.  Now I have to come up with something new and [more than likely] less magnificent.  Maybe later.  My brain hasn’t awoken yet this morning.

Oh but look!  I now have a signature 🙂

<3

Sh*t…!

Today I was thinking about the name of my blog. Though it made perfect sense to name it that as explained in my Inspiration post, I realized today that it has a couple meanings.

  1. THE little sh*t… It’s my name! Don’t wear it out. 😉
  2. the little sh*t… in LIFE! Sometimes it’s the little things that make all the difference, and sometimes it’s the little things you’ve got to learn to let roll off your back. Little things can make a big impact on our lives, for good or bad. It’s learning the subtle differences between the two that can change your world.

This blog has not become something amazing. It is a place for me to spill my brains, vomit some words, and generally straighten out my thoughts through my top-spinning life. To me, this blog is one of the little sh*ts of my life. It’s a pleasure for me to share it with those who bother to stop by. Now, on to my day with (no doubt) more little sh*t coming my way. ❤

Isn’t This the Best Part of Breaking Up?

Isn’t this the best part of breaking up
Finding someone else you can’t get enough of
Someone who wants to be with you too
– Why Can’t I Breath by Lillix

I WANT TO BE SINGLE… dammit… but the butterflies in my stomach won’t let me not feel something more (the double negative is intentional and important).  This wasn’t my plan, but then again feelings are never planned.  The possibilities are exciting and unexpected.  A pleasant and welcome surprise.

Don’t Sacrifice Your Dignity

“I would rather be alone with dignity than in a relationship that requires me to sacrifice my self respect. Sometimes we have to be willing to let go of the relationships that do us much more harm than good. Too many times we work so hard in life to only be discouraged and told by others that we should be grateful for even having them in our own lives. I would much rather be alone than deal with someone who makes me not want to feel loved.

What we feel isn’t based on what we actually go through, it is based on what we represent in our heads when we think about what we are going through. Our interpretation to each situation means everything. At the end of the day, if we keep receiving negative signals from the people that we are in a relationship with, we shouldn’t just avoid these feelings, we have to know that a change is needed. Deal with the change that is needed. Don’t pretend that your relationship is working out when it isn’t, if it isn’t going great, don’t sacrifice your dignity.” -J. Johnson

Someone posted this today.  It was like the universe trying to tell me something.  For the past several weeks I have thought about breaking up with my boyfriend.  When I got up yesterday I knew that would be the day.  It killed me, but it had to be done.  When I read this I had an overwhelming feeling that my Guardian Angel was watching over me.  Guiding me to make the right decision.  Thank you, whoever you are.

Today I hurt.  I didn’t want to hurt him.  I couldn’t give him a good reason.  I didn’t have one good reason, it just wasn’t working.  I know I will feel better about it in time, but right now my heart aches.

All Grown Up

Last night I sent a picture to my Mother with the comment “looks like I learned a thing or two from my parents!”  I recently purchased my first home and I do believe this is the first place I have truly felt at home since leaving my parents’ house for college (questionable I even really felt “at home” in my parents’ house in high school).  So along with the feeling of being “at home” comes household chores.  But for the first time I actually WANT to be doing these things.  Maybe that feeling will wear off once I am more accustomed to the feeling that this place is “mine,” but I will cherish the feeling for the time being.  The picture I sent to my Mother was one of my handy work (see below).  Instead of doing what I usually do (I may or may not have once been referred to as a tornado) and allow cables to tangle and internet modems/routers to lay on the floor/stairs (and inevitably in the way), I hung them under the stairs!!!  A small victory for mankind, a giant leap for myself. 🙂  Making my parents proud, one nail and hammer at a time. ❤

Motorcycle Training

I’ve been thinking about taking motorcycle classes lately.  I don’t live in the driest area of the Country, but it could be good for drier days.  This ideas comes along with a desire to bike more in general.  Fresh air is good for the soul.  My current car’s days are numbered so although this idea comes a bit late for the coming season, I am thinking of ways to be creative with my commuting options.  I suppose my current job isn’t exactly motorcycle friendly either.  HA! Listen to me, considering a complete life change just so I can make a motorcycle fit into my lifestyle.  Worth it?  Perhaps. 😉