Funny how my “blog revival” from 2014 led nowhere. I am not terribly surprised, I’ve never been much of a writer. Being a writer is romanticized in my mind. How lovely it would be if I could write prose that inspires others. To spark discussion, thoughts, emotions. How beautiful that would be! Continue reading
Preface: Hello, again.
It is dumbfounding the dichotomy between an immense motivation to write and being completely devoid of inspiration or direction.
I have recently been motivated to write again by my beau. It was a simple “I would read your blog” that was both flattering and triggering. I quickly realized how much I missed expressing myself through the written word. In the past few months I have quieted my voice in my most prevalent semi-public forum: Facebook. My reasoning for doing so is irrelevant to this post, but in it’s place was a void that cannot be filled by work emails or text messages.
I internalize a lot of what I choose to share; my online presence is an extension of my physical presence. I put a lot of thought into my word-choice and I am just as bad at lying online as I am in person. But I find that I often write more about writing (or the lack of writing) than I do the topics I wish to share. Generally I think my opinions and my experiences are mundane but when I think about the things that I enjoy reading, they are the stories of everyday experience that resonate with me the most. So with that, I henceforth revive this blog with my first return post in almost a year. I hope you enjoy mundane because this is about to get real boring-like… Continue reading
I’ve been listening to a lot of TED talks at work lately. Not only are these talks informative and inspirational, but they help break up the monotony of the tasks I’ve recently been asked to perform. It’s been a life saver and an eye-opener all at once.
The most recent video I watched was by Adam Baker – Sell your crap. Pay your debt. Do what you love. Sounds simple enough. Except I think I’m borderline hoarding my childhood memories. Continue reading
I, (your name here), a shrill bitch, do hereby pledge to talk really really loud in meetings if I have something to say, even if dudes are talking louder and they don’t like me. I refuse to be a turtle—unless it is some really loud species of brave turtle with big ideas. I will not hold back just because I’m afraid of being called a loudmouth bitch (or a “trenchmouth loud ass,” which I was called the other day and as far as I can tell is some sort of pirate insult). Also, I will use the fuck out of the internet, because they can’t drown you out on the internet. The end. Amen or whatever. SOURCE
I know I haven’t written in a while. It’s been hanging over my head: I’ve become a life event blogger. I truly “hate” that I do that (I put hate in quotes because it is such a strong word and I probably don’t actually hate it, but I do greatly dislike). I wish I had the conviction to write on a daily basis but honestly I’m not sure I could come up with anything worth reading that frequently.
Even worse? I am not just a life event blogger, I am a god-damned relationship blogger. And maybe that is just because of my recent experiences, but I wish what was going on in the background was deeper than that. Why do I have such a great longing to be loved?
So, regrettably (or not so, since I am going to write about it anyhow), that is what this post is about: my relationships. Not just romantic relationships though; friendships count too!
I need to clear the air. We’ve been seeing each other for four weeks now (3 if you remove the last week that we’ve recently spent apart). The first three weeks were glorious. A dream, really. I have had no desire to see anyone else and have no intention to do so. I am utterly smitten with you, but I have a problem.
A lot has changed for me in such a short amount of time. It’s crazy how volatile feelings (most notably lust) can be.
The mystery is what drives the attraction. I usually tell myself I can learn to love this or that. And even when I feel a little excited about it, I usually cannot voice a true feeling of attraction well to those around me. It comes off as convenience dating to them; that I’m clearly not as into that person as I had convinced myself that I was. And maybe it’s true? Maybe I just tell myself, Gee, love would be nice, but I don’t want to love this person. That’s okay though because I might not get it elsewhere. Well, I’m smart enough to know that is just hog-wash. And quite frankly, I don’t NEED anyone (that’s the feminist in me coming out to play). No one NEEDS anyone, but it would be damn nice to have a compatible partner. But why is that so hard to find?
But I digress. My point is not that I wish to love someone. I merely mean to bring up the subject of what I would like to call the turning point. That early point in any relationship, serious or not, in which your brain makes a decision that it is either (1) giving this thing a shot or (2) getting the hell out of dodge! Continue reading