I know I haven’t written in a while. It’s been hanging over my head: I’ve become a life event blogger. I truly “hate” that I do that (I put hate in quotes because it is such a strong word and I probably don’t actually hate it, but I do greatly dislike). I wish I had the conviction to write on a daily basis but honestly I’m not sure I could come up with anything worth reading that frequently.
Even worse? I am not just a life event blogger, I am a god-damned relationship blogger. And maybe that is just because of my recent experiences, but I wish what was going on in the background was deeper than that. Why do I have such a great longing to be loved?
So, regrettably (or not so, since I am going to write about it anyhow), that is what this post is about: my relationships. Not just romantic relationships though; friendships count too!
“I would rather be alone with dignity than in a relationship that requires me to sacrifice my self respect. Sometimes we have to be willing to let go of the relationships that do us much more harm than good. Too many times we work so hard in life to only be discouraged and told by others that we should be grateful for even having them in our own lives. I would much rather be alone than deal with someone who makes me not want to feel loved.
What we feel isn’t based on what we actually go through, it is based on what we represent in our heads when we think about what we are going through. Our interpretation to each situation means everything. At the end of the day, if we keep receiving negative signals from the people that we are in a relationship with, we shouldn’t just avoid these feelings, we have to know that a change is needed. Deal with the change that is needed. Don’t pretend that your relationship is working out when it isn’t, if it isn’t going great, don’t sacrifice your dignity.” -J. Johnson
Someone posted this today. It was like the universe trying to tell me something. For the past several weeks I have thought about breaking up with my boyfriend. When I got up yesterday I knew that would be the day. It killed me, but it had to be done. When I read this I had an overwhelming feeling that my Guardian Angel was watching over me. Guiding me to make the right decision. Thank you, whoever you are.
Today I hurt. I didn’t want to hurt him. I couldn’t give him a good reason. I didn’t have one good reason, it just wasn’t working. I know I will feel better about it in time, but right now my heart aches.